Perfectly Numb
    The air was heavy and humid as Sadie Monaghan made her way up the imported stone steps to the oversized wooden doors. She grabbed the giant metal handle and gave it several good knocks. She lit a cigarette and waited anxiously in the direct glare of the relentless afternoon sun. Finally, the door opened, but only a crack. 
    “Let me in, man. It`s fucking 300 degrees out here,” she said.
    The door closed, and Sadie could hear the clanking of various latches and chains being removed. When it opened again, Sadie could see a tiny man, almost knome like, wearing nothing but black Versace briefs. He smiled at her and ran a tiny hand through what was left of his dishelved hair. His little rat-like eyes looked her over. 
    “Do come in young lady,” he said.
    Sadie flicked her cigarette into the bushes nearby. “I`m the watcher,” she said.
    He just stared, grinning and rubbed his palms together with excitement. “You`re just as I`d hoped. Your eyes, they`re so much like hers,” he said as he motioned for her to come inside the house.
    Slowly, she put one foot in front of the other and shuffled past the man into his extravagant home. Sadie settled into the modern style living room, which was spacious with large windows overlooking the pool. A young blonde haired boy, no more than fourteen, was smoking what appeared be to a joint as he sat on the steps of the shallow section of the pool. Sadie wondered if he was there for the same reason, but was distracted by the touch of something cold on her arm.    
    She turned around to find the man holding out a glass full of vokda and ice. She smiled and took a sip as he told her to take a seat on one of the three oversized black leather sofas. She chose the one facing the pool, while the man took the sofa across from her. He couldn`t seem to keep his eyes off her. Sadie tried to ease her discomfort by looking around the room. The walls were painted black except for a single white wall where a pop-art painting of the actress, Winona Ryder, hung above the fireplace.
    “Mind if I smoke?” Sadie asked holding up a Camel Light.    
    The man shook his head. “Absolutely not,” he said. 
    There was a crystal ashtray on the glass coffee table in front of her, which she held in her left palm as she smoked. The man tilted his head a little as he glared at her only a few feet away. He had a glass of gin, which sat upon his crossed knee, while his other arm draped across the back of the sofa revealing a tufted of redish hair beneath his armpit.
    “You have beautiful big brown eyes. You look just like her, you know? Has anyone ever told you that before?” he asked. 
    A look of confusion set into her face, as if she`d missed the punchline of a joke. “Just like who?” she asked. 
    “Like her,” he said softly as his eyes shifted up to the painting.
    “Who? Winona Ryder?” she choked out. 
    He merely nodded his head as his eyes slid slowly over the canvas.    
    Sadie looked back up at the painting before stubbing her cigarette out into the ashtray. “No, I`ve never heard that before.”
    “Yes, well you do. I told the girl on the phone I specifically wanted the watcher to have eyes like Winona,” he said. “They`re just so bright and innocent, you know? Almost child like."
     She watched as the man longingly gazed up at the painting and then back down at her. She had met a lot of men with strange fetishes in her line of work, but Winona Ryder`s eyes was a new one. 
    Sadie remembered the investment banker who had wanted her to dress up as a Swedish tourist and take photos, the movie producer who had a thing for deli meats being thrown at his naked body, and then there was that guy who was into defication. She had seen a lot of bizarre stuff over the last three months, but that was all part of the gig. After all, she thought she had it easy because all she had to do was watch.
    “So who are we waiting for then?” she asked trying not to sound impatient. 
    “Stephanie, I think her name is Stephanie,” he said as he glanced down at the gold Rolex on his left wrist. “If she doesn`t show up then maybe you`ll get to participate.” He licked his dry, plump lips and chuckled softly. 
    Sadie forced a smile. “Oh, I don`t think so. I`m just a watcher, nothing else.” She tried to sound playful, but stern. She glared down at the single ice cube floating in her vodka and wished she had the luruxy of melting into a different form. 
    “Well, I suppose I could pay you now then.” He hopped off the couch and disappeared into the kitchen. “A gram, right?” he shouted.
    “Yep,” she shouted back.
    Moments later the man returned holding a serving tray with a small mound of cocaine on it. Sadie straightened up on the couch.
    “Mine as well have a little appetizer before the main course, eh?” he said.
    The man plopped down on the sofa next to her and set the tray on the coffee table in front of them. He picked up the razor blade and began to cut four lines. Sadie licked her lips and felt her mouth becoming dry. She lifted her drink and took a swallow. 
    He tossed a tiny bag full of coke on the table in front of her. “This is for us now,” he said as he pointed to the lines on the tray, “and that is for you later.” 
    Sadie nodded and plucked the bag off the table and tucked it into her small black purse, which sat next to her on the couch.
    The man handed her a rolled up $100 dollar bill, “Ladies first,” he said.
    She could feel the excitement rise in her throat. She bent down and slowly sniffed one line in the right nostril and then the other in the left. Sadie stuck her pinky into the remaining coke and slid it expertly across her gums. Perfect, she thought as she handed the bill back to the man. He snorted his lines quickly and began to cut more when a knock came from the front door.
    The man`s face lit up as he lept off the sofa. Sadie leaned back on the couch and closed her eyes. She let the nothingness consume her as she tried to remember how it all started.
    Her first time was with a guy she had barely known. She had met him earlier that evening at a club on Sunset Blvd. They had gone back to his house after a few drinks. He lived down in the basement, which was dimly lit and smelled of smoke and fabric softener. He cut six lines, four for him; two for her, on the jacket of a battered copy of Moby Dick. She had no idea what to expect, so she snorted the first line slowly and hoped the high would be gradual. She was wrong. The numbness had hit her right away. It started in her nose and crept down her throat. After a few moments, it had hit the brain. She felt good, she felt perfectly numb.
    She was back in that carefree state, sitting in a man`s house that she barely knew. Deja vu she thought as she opened her eyes.
    Standing before her was a very tall girl with long blonde hair. Sadie looked her over and thought she couldn`t have been more than twenty-one years old. The new girl wore a face full of make-up, only too much of it, so instead of enhancing her features, it made her look more like a transvestite. The girl made the little man standing next to her seem even more dwarf like. She had to be 6’1” flat footed, but in heels she looked more like 6’10”. The girl had on a fake smile that was bright and bleached, but lacked sincerity. Her eyes were green and blank, as if she were a robot just going through the motions.
    The girl approached Sadie and stuck out an enormous hand. “Hi there doll, my name`s Brenda,” she said with a bit of a southern drawl.
    Sadie stood and shook her hand. “I`m the watcher, nice to meet you.”
    Brenda nodded and took a seat next to Sadie on the couch, while the man headed for the kitchen to retreive a drink for Brenda.
    “Creepy, huh?” said Brenda as she looked up at the painting.
    “Yeah, what`s with that?” Sadie asked.
    Brenda shook her head. “Ya got me.”
    The man reappeared in the living room and handed what smelled like a gin and tonic to Brenda. She thanked him and immeditaely gulped down half the glass.
    “It`s hotter than a Texas toad out there,” she said as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.    
    The man stood in front of them as if they were zoo animals on display. His eyes were wide and filled with anticipation. There was something about the way he looked at her that made Sadie uneasy.
    “Why don`t you girls finish your drinks in the bedroom?” he suggested. “No use in postponing the inevitable.”
    Brenda grabbed Sadie`s wrist. “Will do partner, but first, we`ve got to run to the ladies room, okay?”
    Before Sadie had time to ask questions, Brenda had her off the couch and halfway down a long, dark hallway. Countless 8x10 photos of Winona Ryder came into view with every new step she took. Sadie noticed a sadness in the actress’s doe-eyed face, and wondered if she`d seen as many horrors as Sadie had. This made her feel nauseas as she was yanked into the bathroom. Brenda whirled around, slammed the door, and turned the lock.
    “Listen, you`ve got to do something for me, okay?” Brenda said as she dug through her purse.
    “What?” Sadie asked curiously.
    Brenda took a deep breath and leaned against the sink. “Okay, here`s the deal. I`ve worked with this guy before and he looks little and harmless, but he has a tendency to go overboard.”
    “I don`t know what you mean,” Sadie said.
    “Don`t get me wrong, he pays real well, but I just mean that he gets slightly carried away when it comes to the physical stuff,” she said. “He can be a little rough is all.”
    A quizzical look appeared upon Sadie`s face. “Okay, so what do you want me to do? I`m just the watcher.”
    “I know ya are honey, and let`s hope that`s all you have to do today, but just in case things get…how should I said it…outta hand, then there`s this,” she said as she pulled a tiny silver gun from her purse.
    Sadie staggered back until her legs hit the side of the jacuzzi. “Listen, I don`t want to get involved in…”
    Brenda held the gun out in front of her. “It`s just a precaution, sweety. I`m not asking you to kill anybody here, I`m just saying you could whip it out and scare him a bit if things get out of control.”
    The gun looked like a toy in Brenda`s hand. “Please, just take it in case. That`s all I`m asking.”
    There was a loud thud on the door. “You girls hurry up in there. I`m not paying you to chit-chat, so get out here, and let`s do this,” he shouted.
    “Be right there, sugar bear. Just want to freshen up for ya,” Brenda said.
    Sadie looked into Brenda`s pleading eyes and then down at the gun. She had never even fired one before.
    “Please,” Brenda begged, “Just take it, we don`t have time for this.
    "There was another knock on the door, only this one was louder and full of anger.
    “C-o-m-i-n-g,” Brenda sang.
    Sadie held her hand out. The metal felt cold in her sweaty palm. She couldn`t move. She tried to image herself pulling the trigger, but her thoughts became jumbled. “I don`t think I can do this,” she said.
    Brenda turned around to face the mirror. “You probably won`t have to. Just keep it with you in your purse while you watch. That`s all I`m asking. Then after we`re through, I`ll get it back from you when we`re outside, cool?”
    Sadie glared down at the gun again. Right, just in case she thought as she slowly slid the gun into her purse.
    Brenda applied another coat of bright red lipstick onto her already red pouty lips and flattened down a few stray hairs. She mouthed thank you to Sadie before she unlocked the door and emerged in the hallway.
    The two girls walked hand-in-hand as they entered the master bedroom, where they found the man, already naked, seated in the center of his king size bed. There were large curtainless-windows, which allowed for the natural light to fill the room. There was a plush, red chase longue in the corner and above it hung a framed poster of Edward Scissorshands with a young looking Winona Ryder on it.
    Next to the bed sat a wooden dresser with a pair of shiny handcuffs sitting on top and a gumbo-sized jar of Vasoline.
    Sadie shook her head and took a seat in a gray metal folding chair that had been placed near the side of the bed. There was a black smiley face spray painted on the back. She apprehensively sat down and rested her purse upon her lap. She felt sick to her stomach, but knew it was too late to turn back.
    The man ordered Brenda to strip and eagerly watched as she undressed slowly, dancing to the awkward silence that filled the air. He glanced over at Sadie to make sure she was watching as well. When she was down to just her bra and panties, Brenda climbed upon the bed. The man howled like a wild dog, and crawled upon Brenda`s slim frame as if decending upon some sort of prey.
    There was a moment of silence and complete stillness before the man started to thrust and moan. He shifted his eyes toward Sadie every few thrusts. She wanted nothing more then to close her eyes and block out everything, but she could not bring herself to even blink. Tears swelled in her eyes as the man put his chubby little hands around Brenda`s neck and began to choke her.
    At first, Brenda seemed to be alright, but Sadie knew something was wrong when she turned a deep shade of purple. She glared at the man, using her eyes to beg him to stop, but he did not loosen his grip. Brenda`s giant body thrashed around beneath the man`s sweaty frame.
    Sadie wanted to do something, anything, but she couldn`t move. She was frozen. Brenda gurgled as the man`s tiny hands tightened around her throat. Sadie could see tears trickle down her face. Was Brenda dead she thought. Sadie knew she needed to do something fast. It was now or never.
    Without another thought, Sadie reached into her purse and pulled out the tiny metal gun. She jumped up quickly, causing the chair to fall back. Tears blurred her vision as she aimed the gun at the man`s back. After a moment, he finally noticed her standing there and glanced over. There was saliva dripping from his mouth and pooling at his chin. His eyes were wild and terrifying. Sadie took one last look at Brenda, who was unconscious, and closed her eyes. Then she pulled the trigger.
    A high pitched scream forced Sadie back to reality. There was blood everywhere. It covered the bed and was splattered against the wall. The tears in her eyes made it hard to see clearly. It wasn`t until she ran her sleeve across her eyes that she had seen what she had done.
    The man was curled into a tight ball on the corner of the bed and shrieking. He was covered in blood. Brenda`s body lay face up with a tiny hole in her chest, which was spurtting blood.
    Sadie couldn`t believe her eyes.
    “Don`t shoot me,” the man begged. “You can have anything you want, just please don`t shoot me,” he muttered between sobs.
    Sadie tried to shake away the images before her. She kept closing her eyes hoping that the scene would be different when she opened them, but it wasn`t. She didn`t know what had happened. She thought she must be dreaming. She felt nothing at all.
    “I`ll give you whatever you want, just name your price and please leave,” he cried.
    Leave she thought. She knew she couldn`t just walk out of there. She had just killed a girl. There`s no way the man would let her go. There was a body in his house. Someone had to take the fall. She had to do something.
    Sadie raised the gun again and pulled the trigger. The man tumbled off the side of the bed and onto the floor.
    Her head felt like it was spining in a thousand directions all at once. The tiny pop of the gun echoed through her ears. She didn`t know what to do, but she knew she needed to move fast. She took the gun and wiped it down with her shirt and tossed it onto the bed. Tears cascaded down her face, as she took one final look at Brenda before grabbing her purse and heading for the door.
    She flew down the hallway and she could feel all the eyes piercing her skin as if they had seen what she had done. She turned the corner into the living room and found herself face-to-face with the young boy from the pool. She stepped back.
    His tan shirtless body was still wet as he stood before her. Sadie`s mouth opened, but no words could find their way out. All she could do was stare into the boy`s pale blue eyes in disbelief.
    They were only a few feet apart when the boy smiled at her. His smile was genuine and unassuming. She slowly lifted her arm up, waved her hand, and hoped that would suffice as a response . He pointed up to the painting of Winona and then to his own eye. Sadie held her breath. Then he pointed to Sadie`s eyes as if comparing and gave a thumbs up.
    In that moment Sadie could feel a smile crawl upon her face. She mouthed thank you to the boy and walked passed him toward the door. The sun began to set, casting a red glow in the sky, as she stepped into it`s rays. And for the first time in years, she could feel it`s warmth.